{Real} Love

What the world needs now is love, sweet [real] love...

In Greek, it's called agape.
In wedding vows, it's called "for better or for worse."
In life, it's called reality.

We all love us some romantic love--called eros in Greek. Affection, flirtation, flowers, chocolate...it's all very attractive. And it's the spice that any good relationship needs to have sprinkled throughout. But when it comes down to it, life isn't always romantic. We don't live in a movie. Real life can be messy. Real life needs real love. Agape. A giving kind of love. Because romantic love only gets us so far...

I had the pleasure of reflecting on real love last week while spending some extended time bonding with the bathroom floor. I was the last Chosen One in the family to have a militant stomach bug bestowed upon me, and I was down for the count. It was a long, long day. Even in my misery, I could only sleep for so long, and watching the sun and shadows creep across the ceiling sun-dial fashion got old pretty quickly. But I knew dwelling on my suffering wouldn't help a thing. So I tried to distract myself with anything to get away from my "woe-is-me; I hurt" inner dialogue.

I quickly turned my thoughts to my husband and kids. I was missing them, being all alone and quarantined as I was in the upstairs bathroom highest room in the tallest tower. And I got to thinking about how much we had all grown in the past month. We were going on week three of the family plague, and it occurred to me that between middle-of-the-night linen washings and last-minute runs to the grocery store for more Pedialyte and walking around like zombies, we hadn't had much fun as a family. (Other than the type zombie families maybe have together).

Nevertheless, we had all bonded significantly. Instead of holding hands and snuggling on the couch, most nights my husband and I had just collapsed on the couch in exhaustion before crawling upstairs to bed. But as the dim night light reflected off of our sallow faces [yet again] during a midnight kid crisis, we exchanged weary smiles and a forlorn hug that gave the us just enough encouragement to keep going. The kids and I hadn't gotten to do any fun activities outside of the four walls that confined us for virtually a month. But as we snuggled together reading book after book, I relished the time they spent sitting with me instead of bouncing off the walls as they might when healthy. As we pretended to be a royal family or student and teacher or mom and baby (guess who got to be the baby), I was amazed to discover just how creative and imaginative my children are when I pay attention. I realized that--despite the weariness, despite the fact that our exciting, sexy life was suddenly not so much those things in recent weeks--we were all more in love with each other than ever.

The reason is clear. Eros may lend itself well to some passing excitement, but agape is what sustains us. Happiness may reign during the "for better," but true beauty and the glue that holds us together is born out of the "for worse." And in all of my aching hours on the bathroom floor, the ones spent reflecting on this kind of real love were some of the most redeeming. The most humbling. The most uplifting. The ones that reminded me how truly blessed I am.

So here it is--my running list of what [real] love is. It's not confined to anything in particular--pretty much anything that popped into my head was fair game. I spent a long time on that floor, so prepare yourself for the long list! I challenge you to add to it, wherever you are in life and love. Whether you've settled down with your soul mate, or you're seeing a special someone, or you're still discerning, I bet that by seeking examples of real love in your life,  you'll find your heart more filled than you expected this Valentine's Day!


What is [Real] Love?

1. It's closing the computer and setting aside the phone.
2. It's reading the bedtime story again. Even if it's the long one.   
3. It's a husband who drives an hour to work, then turns right back around to come home, bring you Gatorade, rub your back, and take care of your sad sick self.
4. It's a husband who cleans the outrageously neglected kitchen so all you see when you come downstairs (after two days bonding with the bathroom) are sparkling counter tops. 
5. It's a friend who brings dinner.
6. It's praying--even when it seems like there's no hope. 
7. It's crossing off the days on the calendar for your four-year-old...at her first request instead of the tenth, even when it feels like the least convenient thing you could be doing at the moment. 
8. It's an email from amazing friends who come up with the most loving and humbling ways to support you and make your life ten times easier, even from across the country. 
9. It's listening to that story you've already heard at least five times...without interrupting. 
10. It's making every effort to gracefully get over yourself and hug your kids during some incredibly unwelcome exposure therapy for your Emetophobia. (Yes, it's real thing--I would know).
11. It's comically (in retrospect) chasing after your screaming snot-nosed kid with a tissue for the fiftieth time in an hour.
12. It's knowing without a doubt that your snot-nosed kid is absolutely the most beautiful, precious child on the planet despite his green double-barrel snotface.
13. It's finding the courage to communicate honestly when all you want to do is hide behind your emotions.
14. It's recognizing beauty in the imperfection and loving others through the messy...even when it's messy. 
15. It's accepting [real] love even when you don't feel worthy...and accepting that someone who can see your true imperfections can--and does--still adore you. 
16. It's breaking down our walls to admit that yes, we are worthy of love--regardless of our past, our doubts, our questions or our fears. 
17. It's allowing the kids to play with the toys in the waiting room even though you know it is absolutely the most active and resilient breeding ground for virulent germs EVER. And only Purell-ing their hands twice afterwards. 
18. It's sitting on the couch next to your husband for the whole game...and not bringing your phone or computer with you as entertainment. 
19. It's smiling and feeling genuinely thankful when you discover that your husband saw a need and took the initiative to fix it--like the time he 'fixed' the broken lamp by duct-taping it.
20. It's volunteering to be the one to get out of a warm bed at night to turn out the light. And insisting again, (as you both chuckle) that it is high time to invest in The Clapper. 
21. It's the warmth that fills your heart as the sick child you are holding falls asleep in your arms. And you hold him for an hour because you wonder if this is the last time you'll ever be able to snuggle your energetic child for so long. 
22. It's a mom who never stops fighting. 
23. It's family and friends who check in to ask how you are--whether it's a great day or a rough one. 
24. It's a call "home" (even when you're grown).
25. It's choosing to really listen by maintaining eye contact and keeping your mouth shut. 
26. It's a little girl who sends love waves to Daddy at work, asks to make Valentines for her teachers, prays for Santa and the homeless before bed, and gives her dog a hug goodnight. 
27. It's playing make-believe. 

Yes, what the world definitely needs more of--especially today--is love, [real] love. So try to give a little, and don't be afraid to receive it. Happy Valentine's Day, my friends!