"Non"-Resolutions

The end of the year totally snuck up on me again, and I know I'll soon be accosted with all sorts of reminders that I need to make resolutions or goals in addition to remembering that I need to write a 5 instead of a 4 on the date that I never know anyway.

I'm almost tempted to say that I'm boycotting resolutions in 2015, but that's not entirely true. Instead, I've decided on a focus for the new year based on what's drained the most energy and potential for growth out of family this past year: health.

Physical health, emotional health, mental health, spiritual health.

It's all tied together, and it's all taken a hit this past year, not just for me but for a number of us in the family. Though it took awhile--probably far longer than it should have--I'm finally at a point where I'm willing to do something about it. After all, with a new job and insurance come new possibilities...kind of. I'm actually still in the dark about most of the possibilities since we can't be even briefed on our full benefits until our new policy goes into effect after the new year. So I've actually had to sit on some things for much longer than I'd like. But in two days I'll know for sure what the new year and new policy holds for us. I've already gotten some signs that I'm praying are God's little affirmations that I'm moving in the right directions, but you are welcome to join me in praying that it meets our greatest needs!

Physical Health: 

In exciting endometriosis developments, this past year my body has taken a real turn for the I'm-Crazy-and-I-Don't-Care-Who-Knows-It! I've been trying to ignore my worsening symptoms, which has gotten me nowhere. While I was busy trying to ignore reality, though, a brand new clinic opened in our area last month that is built on all the principals I've been searching for in treatment: an integrated approach, NaPro Technology instead of useless symptom-driven treatments, and a skilled surgeon trained by The Father of NaPro himself, Dr. Hildgers. I'm afraid to get my hopes up too high, but thus far all of my interactions with the office have been extremely positive, and I have more hope for my upcoming appointment in the New Year than any of my appointments in the past two years. It's been close to nine months since my last frustrating appointment when I was ready to swear off doctors always and forever, so I think the fact that I am going back in under a year is truly the hand of God. Or crazy pain. Or both.

I also know that exercise (or lack thereof) has definitely played a part in my physical deterioration. I've been veritably forced back into it because of the Reserves, which has reaffirmed both my severe dislike of running and the very real benefits of working out a healthy amount. So hate it though I might, it does help me feel better in some ways, so I might as well [try to] embrace it since I have no longer have a choice.  

For the kids' physical health, I'm focused on dental vigilance so as to avoid major dental surgery like our daughter had this past summer. The thing is, I hate making appointments just as much as I hate going to them, so I'm also working on convincing myself to schedule the follow-ups and X-rays already instead of waiting for a more "convenient" time that--let's face it--will never exist.

I'm hoping to get our youngest in for allergy testing now that he's actually old enough. Maybe I'll concede to doing it for myself too...

I'm also going to keep close tabs on our son, who went in for a height/weight check this fall after he all but fell off the growth chart. I've already gotten better at supplementing his diet which resulted in really encouraging improvement at a two month growth check, but I think this one is also tied very closely to the mental health part of addressing sensory issues that lead to unbelievably slow food consumption.

Mental/Emotional Health:

I've been stuck in a huge rut in this area. My anxiety has limited me in so many ways this year and is clearly affecting my kids' lives. (As it was before, I'm sure, but I'm finally able to recognize and admit it). I'm addressing it head-on in the New Year. I've been warned that the process of adjusting my thoughts and changing my behaviors will be a long and possibly excruciating one at times, but my dearest friends have helped me understand that my family can't afford for me to wait any longer. So off to work I go.

On the kid front:

We already go for treatment once a week for one child, but I'm going to spend more time in the classroom to help reduce anxiety in that setting because it's seemed to help in the past.

And my biggest goal--as soon as our insurance allows me to talk to them about it again after the 1st--is to fight my way through the tangled web that is autism treatment. I'm praying with all my might that benefits will be granted for ABA first and foremost, and if at all possible, for sensory processing help too. 

And I'm hoping that whatever therapist we (please God and insurance powers-that-be) are referred to, we can get some training or resources on the parenting side. Because honestly, this is the biggest pitfall when it comes to emotional health--we don't know how to react, then we overreact, and we end up acting like toddlers ourselves half the time. It's not pretty, and our lack of coping skills is definitely not something our kids need grow up learning to model. 

I know a big part of the emotional piece is also community networking, which I've been slacking on; it often feels like I can't add one more commitment or appointment or relationship to my already overwhelming schedule and burned-out brain. But I know there are others out there who can help lighten the load: parents living the same challenges and loving similar types of children, families who have been through the process I'm currently drowning in. I just need to make the effort to reach them, and make use of the organizations whose job it is to help connect us.

Spiritual Health:

I've been very lazy this past year in attending to spiritual health. Well, maybe lazy's not the word, but I haven't allowed it to be the lifeline it can be when all the other committments and fears and distractions start taking over. I've been relying too much on myself to handle it all, which--as a wise priest recently reminded me--usually doesn't work out too well for me or anyone else, seeing as how I'm not God. And clearly, a deficiency in the spiritual arena not only affects all the other areas of my health, but is the most damaging in the long run. If I'm not properly grounded in my spiritual health if (or when) the other areas of my health present a challenge, I might as well be a ship without an anchor. So I'm going to work on setting aside some time to keep myself properly grounded. It just so happens that my church started offering weekly Adoration on the same day that all three kids are in school--a real conincidence there, I'm sure--so I'm thinking an hour a week all to myself in sacred silence is a good place to start. To be still, to recharge, to listen for direction, and close out the distractions that so often reduce me to a dramatic hopeless mess of "this is never going to work out/get better/etc.!" That same wonderful priest also mentioned spiritual direction; it's something I've done before in college, but never with the luxury of a truly wise spiritual director. If I can work up the courage, I might see about setting up regular direction.

And hopefully in feeding and recharging myself a bit, I'll be more tuned in to my kids' needs and I'll be able to set a better active example for them as they get to know their Creator and learn how He can help them work through life's challenges.

..............................

While I of course still want to do things like learn to knit and work on our family tree and volunteer and get organized and shop less and read more (I always want to read more), I'm not putting pressure on myself to make those things resolutions to succeed in or fail at. I'm just letting myself rest in this one broad focus of health. And though I may not have been wildly successful last year (at least after the first few months) in my goal to "stop trying so hard," I feel like this year's focus is coming at a time and juncture that will bring some lasting changes to the challenges that weighed us down so much this past year. At least, that is my hope and constant prayer--along with my prayer that I continue in my resolve to put in the work for those lasting changes. 

So what about you? Are you swearing off relolutions like I [sort of] tried to do? Do you have a full list for the New Year? Or are you doing the single word deal? (I suppose my word for this year is "health").  Whatever you're not doing or doing or focusing on, I pray it feeds you and helps transform you, body and soul, into the person you were created to be. 

Cheers, friends!