It Doesn't Slow Down

May is happening right now.

(I'm re-reading that sentence again and hoping it will sink in).

Maybe it's the bipolar weather around here, with all its winter withdrawal/flashback blizzards that launched directly into the thunderstormy 80s. Maybe it's just life and schedules piling up per the usual and I'm just unprepared per the usual. 

Whatever it is, once again May has completely snuck up on us. And with it, all the additional crazy. Seriously. How is it that everything must happen in May? It's like open season for the crazy right now. My calendar looks like a whole pack of colored sharpies self-destructed at close range. And all the other non-delineated-on-the-calendar needs--mine, my people's, everyone else's--make me feel like I need a tenth hand to balance them all. And my brain. My brain in this season feels like it's just stuck in a never ending daze of "whaaaa...?" (Apologies if you've been on the receiving end of any blank stares from me lately).

But as much as I want to beg for life to wait up, even just a sec, it doesn't slow down. And for the record, I'm not even talking optional or self imposed crazy. I scaled wayyyyyyyy back on all that last year, giving up virtually every extra-curricular sports/church/school volunteer thing we'd been committed to. Today's crazy is just the pure, bare-bones has-to-happen-for-our-health (or because it's the law) appointments, school or work requirements, and making sure we're not living continually in filth. 

Yet now, more than ever, I'm also very aware that warp speed or not, this is our life. The one we have right now. The only one we have. As the kids get older it will likely continue to get faster and crazier no matter how much I fantasize about leisurely mornings or blank calendar space--and so I am forced to consider that maybe, just maybe, I need to get used to it. 

With that in mind, I'm trying to think strategically, whaaaaa-brain and all. Because I know there must be some way to still achieve thriving over surviving in this phase. The question is this: exactly how can we embrace life in its natural habitat of crazy and still manage to insert some meaningful moments?

I have a few ideas brewing.

[Nothing uber exciting or revelatory though...this is literally me just thinking "aloud" and selfishly hoping you'll brainstorm with me].

So. Life-giving and life-restoring ideas to help temper the crazy. I think I've settled on three main areas: me time, family time, and "us" time (aka husband-wife time).

Me Time

Thus far I have my sometimes-daily quiet time in the sanctuary at church. I have my books that give my brain a welcome escape (though that comes in spurts; the first three months of the year I read six whole books, while in the last two months I've barely managed six pages). I've developed an affinity for some thought provoking radio programs to keep my brain company and prevent at least 10% of it from turning completely to mush during the 10 hours per week I play taxi driver. (Yes, I did the math...though I can't promise that it's right). I also have a lovely group of friends with whom I chat or vent somewhat regularly, occasionally even about adult-ish things. Every once in a blue moon we even make it out together for coffee.

This sounds like a decent amount "of me time" to me when I write it all out. But in reality, I'm still grumping around half the time when confronted with other people's needs and still craving hermetic escape experiences. Also called sleep, I think? I kid, I kid. The armchair psychologist in me is thinking that maybe it's because I'm not actually getting all that much alone time during me time. I usually still have kids making background noise in the car, or tagging along on my stops, or finding out my reading hiding place to interrupt me. I'm thinking that should change, but not quite sure how.

So I'm wondering what functional, daily alone should look like...aside from finding myself a personal cave or locking myself in a closet. What do you do, if anything, especially when your kids have needs and your schedule is running amok?

Family Time

Family feels a little harder. It's tough to find ways to connect in the midst of the madness and when so much needs to get done. Most nights we are able to at least sit down and eat as a family, but that window of time seems to keep getting narrower. Dinnertime has become more engaging, though, since my husband invented a new sharing game--the "Face Game" as we call it: someone says something that happened during their day, and the person next to them acts out what they think the reaction or expression was. It started out as a way to work on identifying emotions (homework from one of our therapists) but all the kids love it and ask to play it every night. I'm hoping as summer approaches we will be able to push bedtime back a little for family walks or bike rides in the evening. Card and board games have been more fun now that the kids are a bit older. I've also decided (even though the kids don't know it yet) that I'm doing away with all bedtime videos in lieu of family reading instead. We recently started reading Little House on the Prairie; hopefully they'll continue to embrace it and the no video mutiny won't be to painful. My daughter loves girl time and always makes a big deal about it; for her First Communion she got a little devotional for girls so we've also been trying to read that together. I'm still feeling like we have very little intentional time throughout the day, though. We have so little time during the school year for free time--basically two hours between the end of school and dinner/bedtime--so I'm hoping summer will afford us more opportunities, but I feel like I have to plan a bit if I want to be more intentional in our summer days. It's much easier for me to wing it than it is for me to come up with a routine or activities (unless it's imposed by something external, like school). As much as I'd like to be, I'm just not a crafter or baker, and while I'll join in and play occasionally, I'm not really good at staying in kid mode for an extended period of time. Tell me, how do you connect with your kids in meaningful ways while still giving yourself (and them!) adequate space? 

Us Time

I think Us Time is taking the biggest hit. With both of us always feeling tapped out, we race to "check-out time" in the evening, which usually happens immediately after the kids' bedtime. Sometimes one (or both) of us is totally checked out as early as the witching hour/dinnertime. I've been especially guilty of this in the past week. (Thank goodness our kids are so self-sufficient when it comes to bath and shower time!) After that we usually have office work to do or we have "flop time" on the couch, staring blankly and immobile at the TV because we are le tired. We manage an occasional date night, mostly for special occasions, and for a short time attempted some monthly date brunches. But with my husband's new job and schedule, that probably won't be in the cards anymore. Basically we're old and boring on a good day, and like passing ships on the most crazy days. We had a few TV series that we used to watch together but have pretty much all ended (Downton, *sob*) so we're looking for a new one. Super duper exciting, I know. So I'm all ears, especially on this one. Do you schedule in regular date nights? How do you connect when the calendar is overflowing? Oh yeah, and what do you talk about once you've exhausted the usual logistics and kid subjects? We were thinking about it and neither of us can really remember what we talked about pre-kid. Except having kids one day. Ha.

That's about all my splat brain can manage right now in the idea department, but like I said, I'd love to hear yours. If life won't slow down for me, then it's time for me to hop on board--and I know some of you lovelies are out there blending the beautiful and the crazy with at least a little success. 

Teach me your ways!